The liberation in listening

My throat was red raw this morning, and I realised that leading the service was out of the question. Luckily, we have a number of highly skilled 'animators' in the congregation - several of whom I would love to see enter the ministry. I drew up an order of service then left it to Cat, Sophie and Andrew to do the rest.

It was lovely.

Not being able to speak, meant I was really forced to listen. For the first time ever, I 'heard' the conversation that followed the Bible story, without having to 'annotate' it. What a joy, and what a creative and deep theological engagement. We have some great thinkers in our crowd - questioning and provocative.

The story of the Mother of Moses hiding the baby in the basket encouraged people to think about that and other stories of mothers. Without prompting, people thought of Solomon and the two mothers, Elizabeth and others. Ulalu pointed out that the women's voices were stiffled in stories such as the Prodigal Son - and S,Millia bravely pointed out that God cared little for the mothers and babies during the great flood. Clive spotted the differences in the birth narratives of Luke and Matthew's Gospels, one focusing of Joseph and Zechariah, the other on Mary and Elizabeth. Some authors of the bible lifted up women's positions, some did not. We noted Adam and Eve's parenting problems -(one of their children killed another) and thought it might have been because the lack of good role models!

There was so much more. And I sat back and just listened. Most of them will never realise what amazing theologians they are. I love SoulSpace!

Time out with Tonsillitis!

Being sick with tonsillitis has not been much fun - but it has given me an insight as to how my mind works when I'm not functioning on all cylinders. Large ammounts of time in bed do not equate with the reading of great literature (though Garrison Keillor's new Lake Wobegon book is a delight, and I have read a little of Clodovis Boff's difficult text 'Theology and Praxis') - mostly I have chosen to watch the complete series 9 of the X-files. What a disappointment - and I have been saving it up for 6 years to see the conclusion!

I also managed to watch 'Manhattan' and 'Small Time Crooks' for the first time. I used to like Woody Allen films, especially the early funny ones. Now I look on his work with despair. Occasionally funny one liners do not make up for the selfishness and smugness of these pieces, nor their warped morality. Yet Allen played a big part in my growing up - 'Hannah and her sisters' was a genuinely life changing film for a whole number of reasons. 'Banana's' remains a deeply funny and subversive movie - dated as it is.

Radio 4 remains my greatest comfort in sickly days - worth the license fee in itself. Listening to 'Loose Ends' I caught the striking live performance of 'Bust' by Dan Michaelson and the Coastguards. Check it out (especially if you like Leonard Cohen)

But on this mothers day, I realise that I can only cope with illness, and it has been horrible, with the help of Cat - wife and mother to our beautiful children. She has given me the space to begin to recover, whilst having to work her socks off with Clara and Angela. My hope and prayer is that when you reach my age, a certain age, that you too will have someone so dear to rely on.

Spying

Have just been reading the recently released notes from the National Archives. They include the MI5 notes on photographers and actresses from the 1950/60s. They note their friends, what they have been reading, membership of groups - whether their is any suspicion of whether they are communist.

How little has changed. Last week it was revealed that over 3000 workers were labelled 'trouble makers' 'communist' or had brought up 'health and safety concerns'. The company supplying the data to the top 20 construction firms (run by someone previously involved in the 'Economic League' another information gathering service for industry) illegally prevented many from getting any work whatsoever.

It was also revealed that the police are keeping detailed info on any of us involved in peace and environmental activism - much of it on video.

Sadly, the state seems still intent of squashing any form challenge or subversion it may face. Business and government join hand in hand as they destroy freedom of association and belief. We do not suffer the extremes of a 'police state' - Torture; disappearances; systematic us of terror against the individual - but that does not mean that we live in either freedom, or a democratic society. Making suppression more subtle and less obvious, does not make it less suppressive. I am free to type this - but only as long as my actions have no chance in changing the nature of our militaristic and Capitalistic regime.

Whether a communist in the 50's or a peace activist 50 years later, they are still making sure that we stay exactly where we belong.

Scarborough Weekend: 'Change'

It's nearly a week since I led a retreat for St Christopher's Church over in Scarborough, and I'm still tired. It was great but exhausting. 70 odd adults (some very odd) all expecting a spiritually uplifting but challenging weekend. Gordon Dey and I set up the programme based on theme of 'Water into Wine' which gave us the opportunity to introduce the idea of 'change'.

Introducing the notion of 'change' to any church is quite a difficult task. Most people have become happily comfortable in the routines which they hope will be there until it is time to say farewell to loved ones. Mission and reform are two words often heard in church circles, but only by the lunatic fringes in most cases. The keen new Vicar is allowed to float the notions during their first year, but then must quietly behave themselves for the duration of their incumbency. Some talk about mission all the time, but it is just another way of bullying congregations into following all their madcap ideas without discussion.

St Christopher's doesn't fit most categories. An ordinary working class church, still growing. Still loving its local community. Still adapting to change. So it was easier to do this weekend than expected. Indeed, it was fun. We did difficult tasks like adapting Prochaska and Diclemente's Cycle of Change to faith settings, and looking at what makes us reluctant to change the obvious needs in our communities. It was all done with honesty and laughter, and I thank God for the Christians of Holme Wood.

May they never change too much!

Anti-Capitalism Talk

Once a year, a bizarre ritual takes place in West Yorkshire. The Masters in Business Studies course at Huddersfield University invites me to give a lecture on the anti-capitalist movement. Basically, I am given free range to abuse the system, and abuse those who are about to become significant players in that system. I start with some personal experiences of dealing with corporations, followed by a fierce critique of Corporate Social Responsibility. Then I introduce key texts of the post 'Battle for Seattle' generation - Joel Bakan's 'The Corporation' and Naomi Klein's amazing 'The Shock Doctrine'.

The question and answer bit is always the most interesting, as people try to catch me out, and attempt to justify their own lifestyle choices. The battle always comes down to one question 'do you think that humans are basically good or fundamentally selfish'. My answer is always the same - what is yours?